#8

Running

♫ “Black on Black on Black - FROG"

Zak

The year I turned 30 I wasn’t freaking out about turning 30. I was freaking out over the ‘regularness’ of life that was building up on me 12 years into being an ‘adult’. Much has been said about running. The runners high, the struggle, routine, meaning. Metaphors.

I have no real interest in running. However, I did run one marathon. Maybe it was just to gather my thoughts on the whole experience.

Crossing that line was one of the purest highs I can remember. I cried. And didn’t really know why. I guess it just feels so good to overcome a struggle of that length. I ran at 4 hours 50 mins. That’s a long time to be out there even if you are walking around. I had no watch and no idea what pace I wanted to go. I ran the first half with a friend, and the second half by myself.

In the depth of that struggle – I found I kept thinking of my posture in a half disfigured H shape. Thinking of something so basic, as I repeated the monotonous steps, kept me present. But not in a meditative way. Just in a ‘don’t despair’ way. Because I guess you have every reason to despair. With each minute that closes in on your near 5-hour time, you still have a mountain of time ahead of you – that can be filed with bad ideas. And the monotony, the repetitions, the return to those same thoughts – that kept the despair at bay.

I was definitely struggling when I signed up for the event. And on reflection, signing up is the hardest part. Because you will likely tell other people or sign up with friends – and then you’re on the hook baby. You didn’t have the shoes, you’ve never bought the Runna app, you’ve never run further than 10k in your life and you can’t see yourself as an athlete. But you’ve signed up. So that means you’ve got to start trying.

---